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The fact that you have found yourself on this site means you’re probably aware that sometimes, on occasion, getting sexy means getting physical. We’re all adults here, hopefully (*squints suspiciously at the back row*) so we should all theoretically be capable of viewing the veritable minefield that is BDSM with equal parts respect and curiosity. Yes, I’m saying it’s okay to hit your boyfriend - or your girlfriend. That particular pleasure recognises no gender divides; ladies, you are not spitting on the graves of suffragettes if you enjoy a little bit of rough in the bedroom, and gentleman, you most certainly shouldn’t feel emasculated. I’d urge anyone of any gender to consider giving heteronormative stereotypes like those above the finger anyway, as they are about as relevant, and as useful, as a vibrator with dead batteries. All they promise is frustration, and annoyance that you didn’t address them sooner.
So, here you are. Your partner has just confessed they have fantasised about being choked during sex. How do you react? Well, even if this isn’t your cup of tea, you shouldn’t flip out and start ranting about how deranged they are. Remember, they’ve opened up to you, and shared an intimate detail about themselves that perhaps no other person in the world is privy to. Perhaps they’ve been sitting on that little nugget for years- decades. That can happen. Even if your instinct is to run for the hills, you spend some of that time running actually contemplating how that must have felt; having to suppress something, even to loved ones.
Or, you know, they’re hardcore into it and have performed in live sex shows and started FetLife groups, you don’t know. What matters is that now, you’re potentially considering trying to explore this with them and you’ve no idea how. Let’s start with slapping. With this, you just need to find their pain threshold; start light and build up. Or you can just let them rile you up until you slap them properly, and see how they react. Maybe you’ll find out that their whimpers of pain actually sound like Mozart to you. My personal experience has been a mixture of both; I’m a highly controlled person (Dominant, who’d have thought it?!… ) so I wanted to start slow; try a few slaps outside of a scene, so we were talking as equals. That allowed me to build my confidence - I mean, I was hitting my friend in the face, of course I was going to be nervous. But, as the Dominant one, you have to trust that your submissive is telling you the truth- and when they say they want to be hit, they mean it, and fully understand what that means. That would be my advice to the subs out there - if you’re going to make requests, ensure you know what you’re asking for. I don’t want to backhand a sub and then have him blame me when it hurts more than he thought. That’s just not fun for me. My submissive friend said he wanted it, so we started playing around with it; I got myself accustomed to how hard I was able to hit him, and he learned to communicate with me. After that of course he probably started regretting teaching me his limits, because Princesses are designed to push them! Usually now if I am goaded or he tries to overpower me he gets a very strong slap - because I know he can take it. Now we have that understanding - which came through practise and communication - no part of me is concerned with hurting him. If he speaks out of turn, he knows he will be hit. If it hurts, too bad.
This is the fundamental principle to most slapping experiences - your submissive knows he/she will be punished in some way for disrespecting you. They chooses to do so anyway. Therefore, you must deliver- and above all, enjoy doing it! I must admit, there is a lot of satisfaction to be had from breaking a man with a good few hits - if he can take one, you increase the pressure until he bends to your will. You will of course have a colour coding system or something similar in place- if you start to go to far, he will tell you. But until that point, it is a battle of wills. Slapping as punishment is, in some cases, a response to defiance - whether that is a physical effort to gain control or something more mental, such as refusing to tell you a fantasy. Sometimes, the presence of pain will be liberating for your submissive- if they have something embarrassing to tell you it is far easier to justify when they have only done so under pressure. For some, yielding control needs to be achieved under extreme pressure - it is all about trust, and that is more difficult for some than it is others. Either way, slapping is fun- or at least it can be if done properly. No wanton backhanding to anyone who snaps at you at the street, please. The excuse “I was practising my Mistress persona” won’t slide well in court.
If even after reading that you still aren’t convinced you aren’t going to give your loved one a broken cheekbone, then here’s a little bit more advice for you. Ladies, we are generally weaker than our male counterparts. We just are, unless you’re a bodybuilder. Most men can take the hardest slap you can muster, so just trust them and go for it. Gentleman, you need to be more careful; I have, on occasion, sampled the delights of the masochist-submissive world (a girl has to taste her wares before she sells, right? Right?) and know first hand that you are strong. Even the slightest guy who weighs 58kg could probably break something if he hit hard enough. Personally, I find slaps quite easy to deal with - I more have a problem with choking, as that gets uncomfortable very quickly and there is a lot more potential for damage there. I would advise that you stay away from backhanding until you are confident with your girl’s limits. Both genders need to pay close attention at all times to what their partner is telling them- either verbally or through their body language. Control your aim, too (especially you, lads. Pretty sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.) and avoid hitting too close to eyes or mouth; the latter can give them ulcers which are sub-zero levels of fun. One misplaced slap and you’re not going to get oral for a week, okay? Priorities.
Gentleman, I’m less adept at being able to give you advice on the best scenarios to integrate hitting into, as I’ve never allowed a man to dominate me fully. However, I’d imagine they’d go very well with facefucking/hair pulling, or generally curbing the naughtiness of a brat. If you’re dominating a guy, I’ve found that riding him, or otherwise teasing whilst having him pinned on his back is a wonderful opportunity to bring out the slapping. Usually it involves getting them to talk - make them tell you fantasies, or desires, or maybe set them up to disappoint you; tease them until they can’t help but touch you, despite being forbidden not to; forbid them from masturbating and rile them up until you know they won’t be able to resist.